Thoughts

Self-defiled
Hopelessmass
Ripped-apart
Drowning
Accumualtionof
Nothing
Always
Forever

Truth is masked by a false reality
Smiling genuinely acrid lies
Smoldering a scorched path

Fat
Old
Mean
Smart
talented...
(ReLaTiViTy)

Someone is always...
Fatter
Older
Meaner
smarter
And more talented.

Step out into the cool lucid dark night. Whispers of wind flow through the blue tinted shadows lying between you and the universe. All encompassing quiet, biting cold touches an icy hand to your tear stained face. Through great loss and deprivation we move on. We become better or worse from things out of our control. We are shaped by death, life, love, loss, pain, pleasure... Under the opalescent light of a moon half hidden by white clouds, thinking of what could have been, dreams crushed, they melt slowing into the stark lifeless night. A childhood painted beautifully but never more present that the wisps of smoke from a burning flame. Painted smiles, but real pain. Quiet, magical adventures, escape to a world beyond the expressibility of words. Sunlight brought magical real smiles to the tear stricken child standing alone in a desolate forest. Bright day surrounded by the resurrected plant life, painted dead, but really alive.

Time makes me cry
Death makes me wonder
Love makes me smile
Trust makes me nervous

I broke the trust of someone I love dearly. I know now that I can’t be trusted. I’ve learned how much it hurts to lose the trust of someone who you were close to. Something just dies, and no matter how much you are sorry, you can’t ever take it back.

Time heals everything, but solves nothing, changes everything, yet is a constant reminder of the past. It’s been 7 months and I still haven’t stopped crying. It’s been 15 years and she still hasn’t stopped crying. We’ve turned in on ourselves, and have never fully moved on. We’ve gone insane but never fully realized that we can let go. Forget, but how could you ever forget someone who meant so much to you. Death is irrevocable final… leaving is not. It lacks the closure of death, and therefore is worse because it’s like an open festering wound. Death is hard, but I find life to be equally difficult.

Happiness =
Babies
Sunlight on morning dew
The smell of rain
Cream soda
Hugs
Rainbows
Roses

Raindrops

Raindrops fall, cyclical, ever present.
Drops of pearlescent sunshine,
glistening morning dew.
Saturated earth,
smelling sweet and heavy,
fresh, alive.
Finding itself in a particular moment,
trapped in space,
known only to those there to catch a glimpse.
Early morning rises
as bright golden arms
reach through nothing
to bring into being
a certain something glorious
beyond the comprehension.
Infinitesimal as that which is existence,
slowly shattered by time,
putting all things to a place,
and all things to an end.
Slowly as the outpouring skies cease tears,
colorful, majestic comes a smile to its lips.
All is at peace as small wings flutter,
reanimated is the life which flows through all.
That pulsing force
reminding each day
of something indescribable,
wonderful,
joyous,
pure.